People disappoint us everyday. Whether it’s over something important like our parents not showing up to our big game; or something small like a friend cancelling coffee… again. Rarely do things happen the way we plan (at least in my experience). How do we avoid being let down by those we are about?
I am not so sure that we can. In my opinion the only way to stop the feelings of being let down are to not expect anything in the first place. But that doesn’t seem like the best way to live. To not have any expectations of your life so it doesn’t hurt you when things fall through, again.
I have learned that it is okay to expect things to happen in your life, just not when it comes to other people. I like to think that I am a hopeless romantic and that love will always win, but deep down I am cynical. I question the motives of everyone. When I haven’t heard from someone in a while and all of a sudden they hit me up and won’t stop talking, I wonder what is really going on. When I have plans with a friend that seem set in stone and then get cancelled on, I wonder what it is that I did. I ultimately think this friend is lying about the reason they no longer want to do what we had planned.
The only thing I can control here is my reaction to the cancelled plans. I try to put on a good face and act like it doesn’t bother me when this happens, but to myself I always question it. Especially when it happens over and over and over.
I have recently pointed out to a friend that I am used to our plans falling through and us not hanging out anymore and he seemed genuinely hurt that I would even say that. The thing is, for the last six months or so, probably close to 85% of the times we said we were going to go out, something comes up and our plans get cancelled. It’s always work, or family, or something that seems to be more important. Which is fine, I know I am not the most important person in this friends life. But it hurts, deep down it hurts. And every time we make plans now, I fully expect them to get cancelled and I hate that I do that. I am actually surprised when we get to do what we say we will.
How long do you allow things to continue like this? When is enough, enough? Do you just stop making plans with these kind of people, or do you still make plans? How do you not let it affect you when things fall through again? How do you not take that personally or start thinking the worst about yourself?
I don’t know how to do all that. In some areas, I pretend to be though, but I’m not. I am still a girl, I have feelings, I am sensitive. After being cancelled on 10 straight time though, you kind of become numb to it. At first, it’s kind of like, “Oh, that sucks. Well, there is always next time. No worries.” But then it turns into, “oh yeah, that was expected, I guess it’s a good thing, I can work on my school work now and not feel stressed for time.”
I guess there are some positive that come from always being cancelled on. It allows for focus on certain things that I procrastinate with (math homework). I just hate the feeling of being disappointed in other people when what I expect to happen finally happens. I hate that I expect my friends to cancel our “dates”. It’s sad and quite pathetic that there doesn’t seem to be a dependability there. It is what it is I guess. Thanks internet world for listening to my latest ramblings.