It’s been awhile…

Forgive me internet world, for I have been naughty, it’s been some time since I last posted.  I plan to make up for my time gone. Life just got in the way, or should I say, a new relationship got in the way of my writing/venting.

I’ve been meaning to write for a few days now, and I feel like I just never have the time. And then, I reevaluate how I have been spending my time as of late. I need to adjust some priorities a little. I feel like so much has been going on.

Awhile back, I started a post about my mom, I never actually posted it though. It’s a hard one to write. I love my mom to death, she is my best friend. However, I am going to lose her; she has been battling breast cancer. The big C. I am not going to bore you today with the history of her battle, but catch you up on this latest news.

It’s scary watching your mom change in front of your eyes. To see her in your mind as this strong and healthy woman, a generally positive person, happy to be around people and family. But in reality now, when you look at her, you see skin overlaying bones, her face sunk in, looking older than her actual age, now overall negative and becoming more and more reclusive; someone having little to look forward to in life.

It’s the scariest and most difficult thing I have ever had to witness. We found out this past week that the breast cancer has now spread to her liver.  We were already knew that the cancer was never going to be cured because it had already penetrated her bones. All the treatment up to this point (at least over the last two years) has been to slow the progress of it spreading. After each PET scan, the oncologist would tell us, be thankful it isn’t spreading to the organs. Now, here we are, it’s hit her liver, at least two spots on the liver. The oncologist has chosen to take her off of the IV chemotherapy and put her on a pill form of chemo.

Like any normal person that wants information, I turn to the web. You can find all sorts of even scarier information there. But what I found out about this medication is that it is in the same class as another form of chemo she was recently on that nearly killed her.  Why on earth would he oncologist want to put her back on a similar treatment that landed her in the ICU almost a year ago? That makes absolutely no sense to me.  Unless that is the end goal…

She has an appointment next week with the oncologist, so I am making sure I take the time off work to go with her and ask all the questions that I have. What if she decides not to move forward with any therapy? Why did he pick this pill, of all the choices, why this one? How long are we looking at? Will she make it to see her first grandchild’s first birthday?  Where do we go from here?

If anyone out here has been through this, or can relate? Help. Let’s talk. It’s a scary thing to go through.  How did you handle this?



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