Fucking Math… Damn it !

Image: Kylea Devoy frustrated

I am not a stupid person.  Although, I will be the first to admit that I tend to make a lot of stupid mistakes. Most of the time I learn from them.  Some, I just never seem to learn from and continue making. This post though is not about those stupid mistakes. Sorry to disappoint. I’ll save that shit for another more interesting day.

I do my best to keep reminding myself that I am NOT a stupid person. In my very first post, I mentioned that I am a student.  I started back to college in the summer of 2016 (I put my education and dreams on hold for nearly 10 tears). I am working toward my Associate of Science to Transfer degree in Business Administration.  In the last two years, taking as many classes as I can each semester while still working full-time; I have really applied myself and have maintained all A’s and B’s.  I have been proud of myself.

This semester I am struggling like no other with my math class.  I am writing this post while I know I should be focusing on my homework and studying for my mid-term.  I can’t seem to comprehend what I am trying to learn. The sad thing is, this is basic algebra. This is a basic class that I should be able to pass with little issues.

Maybe I am getting in my own head with this, knowing that I must pass this class to move on with some of the other classes. I have a few accounting classes and business stats classes that I still have to take, I have been waiting to pass this math class to take those. You need the basics before you can move forward.  The accounting classes and business stats have not seemed as daunting as this dang algebra class. I have attempted this class once before, in a summer session; and ended up dropping it because it moved at a faster pace and I couldn’t keep up.

I have already failed on mid-term. Well, I got a big fat D. And so not the good kind of D that would lead to an O, if you know what I’m saying 😉. My quizzes, I have been doing mediocre with. At least a C. Until this last one.  We always have two attempts to take our quizzes. Both attempts were less than stellar.

 I am disappointed in myself and feeling the worst about myself.  I am not a stupid person. I am a smart, intelligent person. So why the hell can I not grasp these stupid lessons in algebra? The more I seem to do badly, the more frustrated I get and the more I seem to fall behind. I’m not stupid! I know I can do this, I am blocking myself from learning.  I have put up a mental roadblock for myself and I can’t find the right road that gets me back in the right direction. Fuck! I need to study!! I’m out, I am going to try to buckle down and try to understand some of this. Sorry this rant is so short, I’ll make it up later, for now, math seems to be calling my name….

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And this is how it starts…

“Reading gives us some place to go when we have to stay where we are.” – Mason Cooley

Hello big world.  Let me introduce myself.. I’m Jennie. I am a sister, daughter, friend, auntie, student, lover of books, movies, music, and the beach. I have a wide range of interests and sometimes too little attention to be fully passionate about something.

I am an avid reader. I read when I feel like life gets to be too much to handle, it provides a sense of escape. Reading can take you to another world for a little while, it can give you new friends that you never knew existed. I also read when I am bored, I don’t use reading as just an escape. I use it to keep my imagination alive.  With a really well written novel, it’s almost as if I am getting a private showing of a new movies, the images dance in my head as I am reading the written word. This is one of the greatest feelings in my world.

I am not your average 30 year old. Well, maybe I am considering I am technically a millennial. I have been married and divorced. I am back living with my parents (lucky them!). I feel as if my life has no real direction.  I dropped out of college when I got married and since my divorce, I have decided to go back. I am working towards my business degree (it’s a safe option). But I don’t really know what I want to do with my life. I know the things I want out of life, but it’s the getting there that seems to be the problem… I’m getting old, the clock is ticking; but in so many ways, my life is just beginning and one day I will have my house on the beach.

So here it goes… This blog, or daily rant, or whatever it is going to be, was set up intending to be mainly reviews about the books I read, movies/TV shows I watch, new products I buy, places I go, or a review of life in general.  I am not an expert in any of these fields, and while I might pretend to be at some point, I want to make it very clear that I am not! I know what I like and what I don’t like, and when I really do like something, I want to share it with others, I want them to feel what I felt when listening to a new song for the first time, or picking up a book and smelling the pages (I am old school and prefer a real book to my kindle, but have the kindle for naughty books and convenience), things that just can’t be replicated.

Anyway, that’s probably enough for now.  Let’s get this show on the road.  Check back next week for my first actual post, not just me introducing myself.